Cutlines
February 17 2004
In the news today:
Cingular Clinches AT&T Wireless Merger
-- Funny Orange Man Marries Blue Death Star in San Francisco Ceremony
Disney Rejects Comcast Offer
-- Cable Giant "Not Tall Enough to Ride This Ride"
Kerry Hits Bush NASCAR 'Photo Op'
-- Loses Vote of Only Democratic NASCAR Fan
Dean Rejects Calls to Quit Presidential Campaign
-- Tells Passing Trucker, "You Quit YOUR Presidential Campaign, Buddy!"
Dean Pledges to Go On Regardless of Wisconsin Vote
-- "We Don't Need No Stinking Badgers"
Under Fire Over Jobs, Bush Hones Upbeat Message
-- New Strategy: Compliment Americans on Their Haircuts
India, Pakistan Agree Broadly on Talks Framework
-- Both Agree to Talk but Not Listen
Palestinian PM Denies He's Considering Resigning
-- Instead, Qurie Traded to Texas in Rodriguez Deal
Halliburton Stops Billing U.S. for Meals Served to Troops
-- Value of Military Chow Finally Acknowledged
Research in Italy Turns Up a New Form of Mad Cow Disease
-- "Slightly Dotty" Cow Disease Causes Cows to Smoke Pipes, Collect String
Earnhardt Jr. Is Traveling Familiar Road to Success
-- Straight Ahead, Turn Left, Straight Ahead, Turn Left...
Is a Normal Human Blastocyst the Same as a Cloned Blastocyst?
-- NFL Bans Halftime Display of Normal Human Blastocysts
Prep Hockey Tries to Curb Fighting
-- Players Instead Given PIN Number for Opponent's Trust Fund
In D.C., Witness Tampering Feared
-- Witnesses Now to be Shrink-Wrapped for Freshness
Md. Considers Videotaping Crackdown
-- Peepers Urged to Upgrade to DVD
Bush Pardons Former Mayor
-- Jubilant Barry: "Bush Set Me Up"
Build Your Own Food Pyramid
-- Good Place to Start: Vice-Principal's Lawn
Women Make Up Majority of College Students
-- Also Majority of College Students with Makeup
Average Car Loan Now 63 Months
-- Average Car Lasts 5 Years
That's all for today.
Cutlines
February 5 2004
In the news today:
37 Killed in Chinese Festival Stampede
-- Toll Typical in Annual "Running of the Proletariat"
Timberlake Says Breast-Baring Wasn't His Fault
-- Didn't Mean to Release Jackson Single
FDA: Web Site Ships Fake Birth Control
-- Clue: Packages Marked "Ortho-Jujyfruit"
Kerry Opens Huge Advantage in Michigan
-- Dean Opens Small Retirement Account in Montpelier
Stewart Witness Faneuil Faces Grilling
-- Martha Suggests a Lemon-Caper Baste, High Heat
Ban Urged on All Animal Protein for Cattle
-- FDA: Too Many Cows on Atkins
Space Station Crew Swapped
-- Spent Six Orbits with Each Others' Spouses
Work-Study Job at Hooters Criticized
-- "Those Shorts Give Such a Wedgie," Complains Brad Wilson, 18
Doctors Who Carry Guns and Make Arrests?
-- "Book Him, Dan-o. And Check his Beta-Carotene Levels."
Rumsfeld: Iraq WMDs May Still Be Found
-- Introduces New Investigator, Amelia Earhart
That's all for today.
