Cutlines
November 25 2003
In the news today:
Sharon Says Israel Can't Hold on to All Settlements
-- Must Mortgage Some to Buy Reading Railroad, Baltic Avenue
Country Singer Glen Campbell Arrested in Phoenix
--Wichita Lineman is Still on the Wine
Gephardt, Kerry Attack Dean at Iowa Debate
-- Bluto, Otter Attack Dean at Parade
Energy Bill Collapses, May Be Revived in 2004
-- Resuscitation Not Covered Under New Medicare Law
A Course in Evolution, Taught by Chimps
-- Popular Major of Big Ten Football Players
Thanksgiving Dinner, With 12 Chefs on the Side
-- Jeffrey Dahmer's Holiday Recipes
NASA Seeks $220 Million for Shuttle Safety Measures
-- Includes $19.95 for Big Reflective Orange Triangle
Arab TV Network's Broadcasts Halted
-- Ratings Lower than Expected for Victoria's Secret Burqa Show
Iraqi Government in Place by June
-- Unless Dade County Votes
Leaders Warn of Slow Snow Removal in Va.
-- May Get Done in Time for Winter
Man Accidentally Shot at KKK Initiation
-- Wished New Member "Mazel Tov!"
That's all for today.
Cutlines
November 18 2003
In the news today:
ATF Debuts New Fire Research Lab
-- Replacement for Waco Site Finally Ready
Schwarzenegger Sworn In as Governor
-- California Falls Under Rule of Foreign Strongman
Gov. Schwarzenegger to Premiere Calif. Budget Plan
-- Opening at Mann's Chinese Theater for Latest Fictional Epic
Kelly in Beijing to Work Out N. Korea Nuclear Talks
-- Heather and Brittany in Amman to Solve This Whole Middle East Thing
Negotiators Make Deal on $30 Billion Energy Bill
-- Will Pay PEPCO $10 a Month for 250 Million Years
Militant Islamic Groups Active in Turkey
-- Butterball Recommends Roasting at 400 for Maximum Safety
'I Can't Stop Loving You' Writer Dies
-- Song Finally Wrong
Limbaugh Returns from Drug Rehab
-- America Seeks Alternate Rush
Executions to Resume in Maryland
-- Santa: "The Whole Coal Thing Wasn't Working"
Tape Embarrasses Paris Hilton
-- Being Named for French Hotel Not Embarrassment Enough
Schwarzenegger's First Act: Repealing Auto Tax
-- Californians Prefer Next Move: Slapping Tom Arnold Silly
Arkansas Remains Unhealthy State
-- Bid to Change License Plate Motto Loses
That's all for today.
Cutlines
November 14 2003
In the news today:
Freak Hail Storm Hits L.A.
-- Schwarzenegger: Hailing Freaks Not Unusual for California
Dispute over New Jersey Tigers
-- Turf Challenged by Frankie "The Lame, Wounded Gazelle" Imperiali
Republicans Extend an Around-The-Clock Debate
-- New "Conservative Timex" has 27-Hour Days (with 8 Hours' Pay)
Report Finds F.B.I. Bosses Engaged in Lewd Conduct
-- "Hey, Baby, Bet You Could Hide a BIG Microphone in There"
Study of Two Cholesterol Drugs Finds One Halts Heart Disease
-- Other Makes Ex-Wives Seem Curiously Attractive
Singer Wynonna Judd Charged With DUI
-- Releases Johnny Cash Homage, "I (Couldn't) Walk the Line"
Burglars Steal 75 Wedding Gowns
-- Elizabeth Taylor Sought for Questioning
Morality and Microsoft Software
-- Hackers Can Peep through Windows
U.S. Has No Quick Exit Strategy for Iraq
-- Grass is Green, Ice Cream Tastes Good
Social Baboon Moms Are Good Moms
-- Many PTA Meetings Explained
Five Percent of MLB Steroid Tests Positive
-- Small Surprise in Study of Players' Wives
That's all for today.
